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The Favor Bank: 7 Rules For Creating a Positive Balance

Asking for help in a professional context can sometimes feel tricky or uncomfortable, especially when it comes to requests like referrals, informational interviews, or even just a coffee chat. In today’s competitive job market, it’s easy to feel hesitant about reaching out, worried you might be overstepping or burdening someone who’s already juggling their own responsibilities. The truth is, making these requests—when done thoughtfully and respectfully—can open doors, build valuable connections, and even turn casual conversations into career-changing opportunities.

In both personal and professional relationships, favors play a crucial role in building trust and fostering mutual support. The concept of the Favor Bank is simple: just like a financial bank, you make deposits and withdrawals. If you invest wisely, your balance remains positive, ensuring goodwill and a strong network. But if you withdraw more than you deposit, you risk depleting your social capital.

Here are seven essential rules to keep your Favor Bank account in good standing:

1. You Have to Give to Get
To receive favors, you must first give them. Think of it as making regular deposits into your network by providing value to others. Generosity alone isn’t enough—you should offer meaningful help that aligns with others’ needs. However, it’s crucial to grant favors without expecting immediate repayment. A healthy balance comes from consistently giving more than you take.

2. Be Realistic, Specific, and Considerate
When asking for a favor, be mindful of what you’re requesting. Small favors are easier to grant than large ones, so gauge your ask accordingly. Make it simple for the giver—be clear and direct about what you need and offer convenient ways for them to assist you. If your favor involves a meeting, take responsibility for setting up the logistics, such as choosing a platform or going to their preferred location.

3. Don’t Overextend Your Credit Line
Repeatedly asking the same person for favors can wear out your welcome. Be mindful of your asks, especially when they involve mutual connections. If you rely too heavily on a single source without reciprocation, your requests may start to feel transactional rather than genuine.

4. Show Gratitude and Follow Up
Always express appreciation when asking for a favor, even if the other person is unable to help. When someone does grant you a favor, follow up afterward to let them know how it benefited you. For example, if you requested an introduction, thank the person at the time of the connection. Later, if that introduction leads to a successful outcome, send another message expressing your gratitude. This reinforces goodwill and keeps your relationships strong.

5. You Must Return Favors!
If someone does a favor for you, it’s essential to return the gesture when the opportunity arises. A Favor Bank operates on reciprocity—ensuring that those who help you can also count on you when they need assistance.

6. Don’t Blindside Your Connections
When making introductions or referrals, always check with your contacts before sharing their information. Being considerate of others’ time and boundaries helps maintain trust in your network. No one appreciates being put on the spot for an unexpected favor.

7. Say No with Grace
You are never obligated to say “yes” to a favor request, especially if you don’t have the bandwidth or if it doesn’t align with your values. When declining, be kind but direct. If appropriate, explain why you can’t help at the moment and, if possible, suggest an alternative resource. A polite but firm “no” keeps relationships intact while maintaining your boundaries.

Final Thoughts
Managing your Favor Bank wisely is a powerful way to strengthen relationships and cultivate long-term goodwill. By making frequent deposits, being considerate with your asks, and always showing gratitude, you create a positive balance that ensures your network is there for you when you truly need it.